16 Tips to Delay Ejaculation
- It’s common to feel like you want to last longer in bed, especially if you ejaculate prematurely.
- To last longer in bed naturally, slow down movement and use condoms or the pause-squeeze method.
- You can ask your doctor about pelvic exercises, numbing medications, Viagra, and SSRIs.
- Visit Insider’s Health Reference library for more advice.
If you are worried that you finish too quickly in bed, you’re not alone — around one in three men in the US report having issues with premature ejaculation. It’s unclear why this happens, but scientists think it’s a combination of psychological and biological factors.
If you aren’t able to have sex for as long as you would like, there are several strategies that can help.
How long does the average person last during sex?
According to a 2005 study conducted across five countries, vaginal sex generally lasts for around 5 to 6 minutes.
That’s a lot shorter than what the adult film industry often depicts: sex going on for hours, which can give a false idea of how long sex should last, says Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, a urologist at the Orlando Health Medical Group Urology PUR clinic.
However, it’s important to note that there’s no correct amount of time for sex to last and it’s up to you and your partner to decide the optimal time for you both.
Why you might not be lasting as long as you want to
It’s common for men to finish too quickly once in a while, but if you nearly always ejaculate after less than a minute of sex, you may be diagnosed with premature ejaculation.
It may be difficult to pinpoint exactly why this happens to you, but here are some common culprits:
- Psychology: Studies show that anxiety, particularly anxiety about your sexual performance, is linked to premature ejaculation. Feeling depressed, stressed out, or guilty can also make you more likely to finish quickly. Men may also experience premature ejaculation at higher rates if they have poor body image or are victims of sexual abuse.
- Experience: Your level of sexual experience can also affect how long you last in bed. “Men may also climax faster if they are not having sex often or this is their first time engaging in any sexual activity,” Brahmbhatt says.
- High amounts of free testosterone: Studies show that men with premature ejaculation tend to have higher levels of free testosterone, which can lead to symptoms like loss of energy and low sex drive. However, scientists say that more research is needed to determine why this is the case.
- Hyperthyroidism: Premature ejaculation can also be caused by hyperthyroidism, a condition in which the thyroid gland in your neck produces too much of a hormone called thyroxine. Researchers aren’t sure why thyroid issues affect your sex stamina, but after being treated for hypothyroidism, men are much less likely to experience premature ejaculation.
How to last longer during sex
If you are struggling with finishing too early, here are 16 things you can do that may help.
1. Get support from your partner
Getting support from your partner can be an important part of the process. “To begin with, tell your partner that you want to try lasting longer, and ask your partner if they’re interested in that,” says Vanessa Marin, MFT, a licensed sex therapist in private practice.
This may help your partner understand what’s going on and help you talk openly about any feelings of frustration. Once communication is open with your partner, you can discuss exactly what triggers your orgasm and try practicing the following methods.
2. Use condoms
Since premature ejaculation may be a result of hypersensitivity, using a condom is a simple solution that may make sex last longer. The condom forms a barrier around the penis that dulls sensation and may lead to delayed ejaculation.
3. Learn the pause-squeeze method
The pause-squeeze method can be done while having sex or masturbating and involves:
1. Having sex until you feel that you are about to ejaculate.
2. Then, pulling out and squeezing the tip of your penis for several seconds, or until the need to ejaculate passes.
3. And finally, continuing to have sex and repeating the technique as needed.
“The theory is you stop the flow, let the penis rest, and then go back at it to increase your time,” Brahmbatt says.
Brahmbatt says that this can be one of the more difficult treatments for premature ejaculation because it takes a lot of self-control. Practicing repeatedly and communicating clearly with your partner may help ease the process.
4. Do pelvic floor exercises
Your pelvic floor muscles lie just below your prostate and your rectum and just like other muscles, they can be strengthened through exercise. Experts believe that if pelvic floor muscles are too weak, it may be harder for you to delay your ejaculation.
To flex your pelvic floor muscles, act as if you are trying to stop yourself from peeing or passing gas and feel which muscles move. To tone these muscles, follow these steps:
1. Tighten the pelvic floor muscles – you can lie down or sit if this makes it easier.
2. Hold the muscles taut for 3 seconds.
3. Relax the muscles for 3 seconds.
4. Repeat the exercise as many times as needed.
To get good results, you should try to do three sets of 10 repetitions each day.
5. Slow your roll
Thrusting quickly creates intense stimulation and may make you more likely to orgasm after a short time. Thrusting quickly can also make it harder to recognize more subtle sensations in your body, and you may not realize that you’re getting close to orgasm, Marin says.
“Try to move at a slower pace, and regularly take little breaks to move extra-slow,” says Marin. You may be surprised that some partners might like slower movement, especially at the start of sex.
Positions that limit your movement, like having your partner on top, can also be helpful because you aren’t able to lose control and start thrusting too quickly.
6. Change up positions
When you change positions, it requires you to take a bit of a break and slow your movements.
“You’re not getting as much stimulation during the transition, so it allows your body to cool off and get further from orgasm,” says Marin.
Positions where you can’t penetrate as deeply may also help, such as a spooning position where you are the “big spoon.”
7. Try edging
Edging is the process of getting right up to the edge of an orgasm, then stopping yourself to cool down before starting up again.
To last longer during sex, repeat the edging process as many times as possible, says Marin. Since you’re not allowing yourself to orgasm and taking periodic breaks, you’ll naturally last longer.
8. Masturbate before sex
Masturbating before sex can help you last longer, since your body won’t be as sensitive to sexual stimulation, Marin says.
It may take some trial and error to find out how long before sex you should masturbate. Because if you masturbate right before sex, it might be difficult to get an erection again, so soon. But if you orgasm too many hours beforehand, you might be completely reset by the time you have sex and ejaculate too quickly.
Basically, you want to find that sweet spot where you lower your stimulation but don’t kill your sex drive, Marin says.
9. Distract yourself
Another option is to distract yourself with other thoughts, including something mundane like what you’ll eat for dinner or a movie you saw last week. This can help bring your mind away from the pleasurable sensations you’re having and may briefly delay ejaculation.
However, it may also take away from your enjoyment of sex and your intimacy with your partner. You can try and see if this method helps you last longer at certain times, but overall, remember to stay present and connected to your partner during sex.
10. Ask your doctor about numbing medications
Prescription numbing medications use ingredients like lidocaine and prilocaine, which generally come as creams or sprays that will decrease sensitivity, and can be a helpful way to treat premature ejaculation.
Numbing creams or sprays should be carefully applied to the penis 20 to 30 minutes before sex to be most effective. You should also wash the cream away before having sex so it doesn’t affect your partner.
“Make sure your partner knows you are using it — as a heads up and also to make sure they don’t have a history of allergic reaction or problem with its use,” Brahmbatt says.
11. Take Viagra
Though sildenafil (Viagra) is usually prescribed to treat people who have trouble keeping an erection, research shows that it can help with premature ejaculation as well.
A 2007 study found that Viagra helped men with premature ejaculation last longer and was more effective than the stop-squeeze technique. At the end of the study, 87% of subjects using Viagra said they wanted to continue this treatment, compared with 45% of subjects using stop and squeeze.
12. Talk to your healthcare provider or a sex therapist
Talking to your healthcare provider can help review your health history and determine which of the above options are best for you.
A sex therapist can also be a valuable resource, especially if you think your premature ejaculation is linked to an issue like anxiety or lack of experience.
For example, sex therapists can help you identify your emotions before or during sex that may be affecting how quickly you orgasm, or help teach you how to do kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor.
13. Take the focus off of penetration
Focusing more on foreplay and less on penetration can help you last longer for several reasons. For one, you’re likely to be taking breaks to change positions or to attend to your partner.
It also gives you opportunities to employ techniques like the pause-squeeze method.
Plus, by delaying penetrative sex, you’re prolonging the build up to orgasm, similar to edging, which can make climaxing feel more intense.
14. Take a deep breath
Taking a moment during sex to breathe deeply can actually stop your body’s reflex to ejaculate.
Deep breathing also forces you to slow the rapid breathing and heart rate associated with reaching climax.
15. Do yoga regularly
Adopting a regular yoga practice may help people struggling with premature ejaculation.
A review of yoga’s potential effects on sexual disfunction points out that it’s been found to improve overall sexual health by regulating hormones, which influence performance in bed.
The review also claims that yoga’s emphasis on
and bodily discipline can help people struggling with premature ejaculation gain more control and self-awareness around how they experience pleasure and their ejaculatory functions.
In one study, men who were taught how to integrate yoga and breath regulation into their lifestyles for one month were better able to prolong ejaculation, compared to men who tried a stop-start technique.
16. Ask your doctor about taking an SSRI
The presence of more serotonin in the brain has been shown to slow down ejaculation.
If you continue to struggle with premature ejaculation after trying other methods, your doctor may prescribe a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) like dapoxetine (brand name Priligy).
However, it’s important to note that research around SSRIs and premature ejaculation is ongoing and, you may actually benefit more by combining an SSRI with other methods or medications:
- In a 2019 analysis, Paroxetine (Paxil) was also shown to improve premature ejaculation, and it was found to be even more effective when combined with behavior therapy or tadalafil (Cialis), a drug used for erectile dysfunction.
- In one 2021 clinical trial, tadalafil combined with either paroxetine or dapoxetine was found to be more effective at treating premature ejaculation than either SSRI taken alone.
Insider’s takeaway
Premature ejaculation is common, and it can cause difficulties in your sex life or relationships. Luckily, however, there are many methods to last longer in bed, including medications, physical exercises, and sexual techniques.
You may also want to talk to your partner about the issue so that you can work on it together. And if all else fails, consider seeing a doctor or sex therapist who can help you navigate the process.
