Men’s Dating Coach Shares Common Mistakes and Advice to Improve

• In 2022, men’s dating coach Blaine Anderson made $931,000 from her online courses for single men.
• Anderson made the courses to teach men how to market themselves and connect with women.
• Single men often pick the wrong women for them and create unintentional profiles, Anderson said.

Dating coach Blaine Anderson’s Instagram comments are filled with men pushing back against her advice for finding matches, scoring dates, and meeting compatible partners.

For her, the comments are proof men have trouble asking for help, and a sign she’s serving the right market. In 2022, Anderson made $931,000 through her three online programs dedicated to helping single men date.

“A large part of my job is convincing guys that it’s OK to want and seek help with dating,” Anderson told Insider. She also provides expert advice for Insider’s Dating App Clinic, where singles submit their online profiles for suggestions on how to improve them.

She said her courses center on the message that “there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your relationships with women. That’s actually a beautiful and healthy thing.”

Since launching Dating by Blaine at the start of 2020, Anderson says more than 1,500 men have taken her two dating classes, which range in price from $149 to $1,295. She designed the courses — one for texting, and one for marketing yourself in an authentic way — after doling out dating advice to single male friends in college and beyond, Anderson told Insider. She also offers one-on-one coaching, but said her downloadable courses remain her most sought after offerings.

After three years of professional advice-giving, Anderson said she’s noticed the mistakes single men tend to make over and over again. She said they often pick the wrong women for them, or misunderstand what single women want, causing them to market themselves poorly on apps.

Mindlessly filling in dating-app prompts

Dating app profiles are the most common ways singles get a first impression today. But a lot of these profiles lack the  intentional mindset and originality needed to secure a compatible match, Anderson said.

She said that dating apps are filled with “fierce” competition. The best way to break through that is through specificity and authenticity, not saying your favorite food is pizza, or that you like to travel in your free time.

“Your goal is to communicate things like what makes you unique, what makes you fun to be around, and how anyone viewing your profile can tell if you’re compatible — basically, think about what story you want your profile to tell, and answer accordingly,” Anderson said.

Oversharing in the ‘about me’ section of their profiles

At the same time, men may also overshare on their profiles, Anderson said.

Some apps, like Hinge, have built-in optional prompts about drinking, drug usage, and other lifestyle habits. According to Anderson, including these can cloud the search for a compatible match.

“Unless these are the top one to three most important things you feel compelled to communicate about your lifestyle, completing these fields can feel like oversharing, and work against you,” Anderson said. She’s found that her clients who include fewer of these are often more successful in finding someone right for them. Ultimately, it’s about balance, since certain details can reveal commonalities, Anderson said.

Concealing their appearance in their profile photos

Often, Anderson tells men to be more deliberate with their profile photo choices.

Since most apps only allow to about six photos per profile, it’s important to pick ones that are clear and current. But a lot of men choose images that obscure their faces (with sunglasses, hats, or poor lighting) and their bodies, according to Anderson.

“In our world of nearly infinite choice on apps like Tinder, if a woman can’t clearly and immediately tell what you look like, she’s swiping left,” Anderson said.

Texting too much before the first date

Anderson said her best-selling course focuses on teaching men how to text with a dating app match before a first date. Often, men say too much over text before an in-person meet, which can feel overwhelming or overbearing for the person receiving those messages, she said.

“It’s OK to just use messages and texts for logistics. Unless you have a high degree of confidence that you’re a skilled texter, it’s usually wise to say less via text,” Anderson said.

Acting like they’re someone they’re not

“It’s tragic, but many guys mistakenly believe they need to act like someone they aren’t to attract quality women. One of the most important messages I have to communicate to clients is that authenticity is in itself a turn-on,” Anderson said.

She’s noticed that men have a difficult time being direct about their relationships desires. Sometimes, they’ll act like someone they’re not in an attempt to seem impressive to dates.

Anderson said a common example she sees is a client splurging on expensive sporting event tickets for a first date, thinking it will impress their date.

“It’s obviously more subtle and innocent than outright pretending to be someone you’re not, but the net effect is often similar,” she said.

Anderson said she teaches them that this lack of clarity and insincere behavior can actually be a big turn-off for women. The focus should be on having fun and getting to know someone, she said.

Picking women who aren’t right for them

Anderson said her clients make the mistake of investing their emotions in women too soon, usually due to a lack of confidence.

She explains to them that it’s OK if a particular woman isn’t interested and that it’s not a direct comment on the client’s character.

“Many singles — men and women both — will get hung up on someone who seemingly checks all of their boxes, but doesn’t reciprocate their interest. I have to remind guys all the time that the ‘perfect’ woman for them won’t be someone who won’t respond to their texts,” Anderson said.

It’s not about lowering clients’ standards, Anderson said. Rather, it’s about understanding compatibility beyond appearances.