- Amy Nobile is a New York City-based dating coach who charges $10,000 to work with her.
- Nobile says she’d never include selfies, voice notes, or videos on a dating profile.
- She’d never lead with negativity in a bio or written prompt, since it turns off matches, she said.
Nobile said she uses smart tablets with special software that allow her to log into her clients’ dating app profiles at the same time they do. It leads to a collaborative experience, where she can see common missteps her clients make, and suggest new ways to date. For $10,000, clients get four months of Nobile’s coaching.
Since Nobile sees seven clients a month on average, she’s familiar with the elements that make a profile stand out, for better or for worse.
She told Insider the photographs, phrases, and prompts she never includes in her clients’ profiles, and why it’s best to leave them out, to secure the right matches for you.
Photos that are more than 4 years old
When Nobile looks at her clients’ existing dating app profiles, she nixes photos that are more than four years old right away. She said current photos will give other singles the most accurate idea of who you are and prevent mismatches.
If you’re someone who enjoys constantly changing your look, like your hair color or length, Nobile suggested including photos that show your proclivity for change.
“If you’re changing your hair color from blue to red to pink to brown, or you’ll shave half your head and then grow it out, then just go for it. It doesn’t really matter because that’s part of who you are. But if you’ve worn your hair down to your waist your whole life, and then literally last week you chopped it all off, you’re going to have to take all new pictures,” Nobile said.
If you can’t find any recent photographs you like, and find yourself wishing you looked like you did years ago, Nobile said to take a break from dating apps.
“It doesn’t mean it’s forever. It could be a month where you’re just going to commit to really witnessing your negativity and where that’s coming from,” Nobile said.
When her clients are in a slump like this, she tells them to take five minutes to meditate, then 10 minutes to write down five things they’re grateful for and five things they want in their life. She said the practice can build self-compassion so you can show up authentically on the apps and during dates.
Photos with sunglasses or hats
Whether intentional or not, Nobile said to ditch the props for a more clear image. It may feel more vulnerable, but it’s useful for finding people you’ll click with, she said.
“We want to able to see the sparkle in your eye,” Nobile said.
Group shots with more than three people
While it’s nice to show how much you love spending time with your friends and family, group photographs often confuse potential matches, Nobile said.
Someone could be unable to pick you out of a massive group shot, which is a waste of a photograph.
Nobile said you should never make another dating app user “work” when viewing your profile. That’s why she said to only use photos with up to two loved ones so you’re easily identifiable.
Selfies and mirror pictures
According to Nobile, mirror pictures and selfies can come off as immature. What’s more, they often give a “distorted” view of the subject, which isn’t ideal for a profile.
If you want to get your lighthearted personality across, Nobile suggested replacing your selfie with an intentional shot your friend takes.
She suggested doing an activity you love, like karaoke, hosting a costume party, or simply dancing around your kitchen, and capturing the moment for your profile.
Videos and voice recordings
Dating apps regularly add new features, saying they’ll boost connection, but Nobile isn’t a fan.
She said voice notes and videos on profiles are typically more distracting than enticing.
“They’re another thing they have to analyze and it just becomes this multimedia puzzle where people are just like, ‘Ugh.’ They kind of give up,” Nobile said.
She added that people tend to use these features to inject humor into their profiles, but that can get lost in translation on a two-dimensional profile.
“Even if you’re trying to be serious, they can land too serious and awkward. Or if you’re trying to be funny it can be like, ‘Oh my god, that’s weird,'” Nobile said.
Instead, she suggested saving your jokes for the first date and sticking to photos and text.
Prompts or bios that lead with negativity
If a client uses their profile to explain the qualities or behaviors they dislike, Nobile said she removes those mentions.
She said that being negative in your profile, whether through a prompt that says “You shouldn’t go out with me if…” or a point of view or hobby you can’t stand, is a huge turnoff for potential matches.
Instead, she suggested focusing on three prompt categories: One that tells matches about you and what you stand for, one, one about what you’re looking for on the apps, and one that shows your humor and lighthearted side.
“I don’t think people are utilizing the prompts to really talk about who they are and what they want enough,” Nobile said.